Means nothing to someone who’s lost a son.

Nothing when a government continues to perpetuate racism.

Nothing when the justice system continues to allow murder to go excused by racism.

Nothing when I sit here, a small female white as the snow, who’s always lived in “ethnic” neighborhoods untouched, unafraid.  Me, the one these criminals claim to protect because your son is a threat simply because his skin conjures up unfounded fear.

Nothing in this world that doesn’t seem to learn that we are all one.  

All my life I’ve stated “All One World.  All One People.”  So the phrase goes.  Perhaps, if we reach the ideal, we’ll let the perpetrators in, begrudgingly, but the time is now as it was yesterday and please do not make us repeat it tomorrow to discuss the ludicrousy of your hatred, your violence, your out and out obsessively sick racism.  

You can’t bring a son back.  You can not bring his future back.  It hurts me enough to cry tonight, a stranger.  How will his family ever smile in a lifetime.

I’m so sick of this.

PS Can we just saw Florida and Texas off at the borders?

I recently got in a little debate with a friend of mine about how to go about manifesting what you want.  We were speaking on internet chat so I don’t know if we were mis-communicating because that’s what we do or if we were impeded from clarity because of the nature of type-talking.  The issue was that I felt you needed to practice where she felt you could pop into such power.  At least, that’s what I was arguing, but again, it seems we were arguing against points we didn’t understand.

I believe even to pop needs practice.  I wanted to tell her my many Manifesting mistakes that I’m still working on.  I am AWESOME at manifesting.  However, my skills for some time were off.  I’m saying “were” off because I don’t want to give power to the present moment.  That’s how you do it, right?

Ok, so, I have a lot of examples.  Maybe that’s what I’ll blog about for a little while.  For now, though, let me just bring up this one from last night.

I’m getting my money sorted out and a few years of a bad mood because I moved somewhere I didn’t want to be.  I’m not sure how someone does something so huge by accident, but I did.  I’m pretty magnificent that way.  One of the things my marriage badly needs is a bed.  He sleeps on the couch and I sleep on a trundle because we left the bed in Detroit. 

We thought we’d move out of our “transition” home in a few months and deal with it later.  We haven’t moved.  The bed’s still there.  When we have money, we plan on moving again and decide we shouldn’t buy a bed until we do move.  Recently, I gave up on the idea and figure when we move we’ll find a way to move the bed, too.  So I’ve been wishing for a bed.  Hoping to win a Posturpedic.  Yeah!  Apparently, what I’ve been asking for is a “free bed.”

Yesterday I was offered a new twin with mattress and frame.  Free. 

With no intention of quoting Ms. Spears, “Oops, I did it again.”

Several weeks ago I yanked some hair out to send to the UK for allergy testing.  I’m so sick of being sick, but more than that, I’m sick of getting RASHES.  What in the hell.  No, not there.  I get them on my arms and face you jerk wad.

Every day I come home to check the mail with hopes of finding out what in the hell is wrong with me!  This morning it arrived in my email and I couldn’t be happier!  Being able to solve your own problems is probably one of the most satisfying life experiences one can have.  Now, I have plenty of problems, true, but now I can conquer one that’s been thorny for me for about a decade.  Moreover, this is going alleviate a lot of woes like moodiness, low energy, slipping self-esteem when my skin has reactions, the misery of not breathing, and the uneasiness of being at a party and having to utter the words, “I don’t know if I should really eat that.” 

Cool.  Also, I will never have to eat a water cress diet and suffer that awful “elimination diet” again!!!!  WHOO HOO!  Talk about misery.  If you think you knowing your own sensitivities are might boost your quality of life and you don’t have the several grand to run an allergy test in the US, the link to this is below.  The only thing that sucks is that I’m apparently sensitive to cacao and garlic, two of my favorite things ;)  Joyfully, my list is relatively very small. 

Oh, joyous day!

http://www.testyourintoleranceusa.com/Order-Your-One-Step-Test.html

While I’m happy to be working, I’m not happy to be writing less.  This, however, gave me a smile.  I haven’t really done anything but peruse the front page, but I love that it’s out there.

http://www.irresponsibles-anonymous.com/responsibility-in-12-steps

I’ve had a lot of coffee on this beautiful spring day, but I also walked one of the dogs and finished with “The Happiness Project.”  Does anyone know how to underline?   You might guess I didn’t go to work today, my first day.  They called and said they’d made a mistake and to come in tomorrow.  I kept telling myself, “This is great.  I can watch the sunrise.”  That was how I was shaping my attitude at 5:30 AM.  I sold a CD on CDBaby, too.  I get so excited when someone doesn’t buy from me directly.  It’s cheaper to buy from me, of course, and I like fanning my friends and friending my fans, but it’s nice to think I’m reaching someone unknown.

Now that I’m finished with Rubin’s book, I have to pick a new one.  The last chapter simply recapped things in a general way.  The final verdict is that her “Resolutions Chart” proved to make her the most happy.   I only made it into about ten weeks of that. Yesterday I thought I should print a new one and try again because tracking progress seems to be an important element I’ve been missing in a LOT of important affairs.  I don’t really understand why considering most of us grew up in a school system that made tracking a standard way of life.

I’d recommend the book, now that I’m done.  I can’t think of a more practical book on self-satisfaction since I read Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Successful People.”  I was eighteen then and didn’t have any real moral issues at that point so I felt like I was already living the book, but horribly unsuccessful.  Still am, mostly?  Maybe I should read that again.  Perhaps I’ll have a different opinion.  Anyway, I need to pick something. 

Your thoughts?

Meanwhile, I gave up on the Silva Mindfulness Training, but they traded me for their Silva Ultra Mind System.  I’m on day 2.  Now THIS is the most practical thing I’ve ever done.  I used to read their email all the time and had a free introduction the the course years ago.  I’ll say this, if you have had any interest in meditation, but no patience to shut off your mind, this practice is very helpful.  Of course, when I was listening to the guided meditation this morning the tree guy came out to do some removals in my neighborhood with chain saws :)  It’s ok.  I got through it in the afternoon.

I’m going to take a look at my resolutions chart now.  You should search out Rubin and see how she does hers.  I haven’t even done that yet, but if you don’t like reading books, apparently the chart is the most valuable part to her year-long adventure and, perhaps, yours.

I’ve finished with November and began December in Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project.  November mirrored my dilemma of self more than the others.  In November, Rubin focused on her critical nature as a source of unhappiness.  She claimed that criticizing makes us appear smarter and feel superior.  I hadn’t really thought of my own insatiability as serving those purposes. 

In fact, if anything, they seem to make me feel more disconnected from the group, though, in reality, my groups have been rather critical.  However, I am going to take note in her evaluations and attempt to be more conscience of this default I have to want the world around me to hold itself to higher standards.  Yes, I want utopia.  In the law of attraction, that should be a valuable desire, but in reality, I suppose it’s a big bummer and an enforcement of how flawed the environment at large is. 

I’m not sure how you get better and better if you don’t recognize what’s not so hot, but there must be a way so, while she attempted to bite her tongue for an entire week, I’ll give it a shot tomorrow.  Tomorrow is my first day at a job any outsider would say is a waste of my mind and talents, but in an effort to launch my CD without capital, I’m in need of some bill-paying money so here I go.  If I fail my dreams, I want to at least be happy because happiness is the superior state, no matter what we smarty pants think.

With the responsibility of a minimum wage job comes early and long hours so my normal routine of working when inspired, no matter what wee hour that might be, will be temporarily haulted.  So, too, will my regular blogging, I imagine, but we shall see.  Just when I took the bandage from the tip of one of my typing fingers, too!

If I can muscle up the creativity afterward, I believe this little veg-head, environmental, peacenik will be writing about what it’s like to work in a shop of ammo and fish bait.  Should be rather interesting.  Any ideas on what that blog might be called?

Rubin did say something that rubbed me the wrong way.  In her constant attention to herself, she noticed that saying that she was exhausted and was turning in early was actually a complaint.  Lord, child.  If you’re exhausted, you’re exhausted.  A complaint is, “You’ve wiped me out to the point in which I can’t deal anymore so good night.”  Honestly, how does anyone achieve being happy while being so damned hard on themselves?  I speak from the experience of being one of those people.  Last night, I set out to wake up at six AM.  I spent the ENTIRE NIGHT tossing and turning.  I have to figure out how to bed down by nine because I have to go to work. 

Facts, is facts. 

Many, many moons ago, I had a best friend who’s name changed from Bolifer to Joe quite by accident.  I’d gone through a phase of saying “Hey, Joe” to people as a I greeted them.  I think I picked it up at the record store I was working at which must have been tied to Jimi Hendrix.  I even believed that the true name of God must be Joe, because I believe that God is truly in everything and every man and the every man is best made concise through the name, Joe.  Mind you, I don’t believe God to be a man-like figure with any concern for names, but that’s another discussion.

While coming home to my porch community in Oakland, CA, my habit extended to my cat who would wait outside to greet me.  The neighbors picked up on it and began calling my lovely kitty, “Joe.”  When I finally discovered they truly thought my buddy’s name was Joe, the name stuck and so he became until the day he died.  When we moved to Detroit, he became “The Joe” after the local sports arena named for a boxer, or Joe Louis Arena as a riff on my last name.

This morning, hitting another valley in this long climb I’m making out of poverty and depression most definitely directly tied to the lack of opportunity where I’m living, I left a services agency in despair and wailed all the way home.  Having lost clarity on tapping into a spiritual source, I suddenly started asking Joe to help me.  Asking God, Mother Nature, the Moon, the stars, the Universe, or any other creator I could think of in the last two years hasn’t yielded any results, but it struck me… I believe in Joe.  The commonality that ties us together.  So I asked Joe for help.

I wiped my teary eyes and saw neighbors sitting outside.  After parking the car and dismissing the wretched mess I must have looked, I went to join them and met two new people.  The neighbor I’m most friendly with asked if I wanted to head to the next town, where I was going to turn in an application anyway.  I changed my clothes, put on a bit of makeup, and gathered my things. 

In the parking lot, he reminded me the owner of the small market was named, Mark.  I walked in and saw the new friend I’d made only minutes before at my neighbor’s.  We exchanged a few jokes and I set off to meet Mark.  While talking with Mark about what I could contribute even though they recently hired quite a few people, that new friend came over to “sell” me. Our upbeat personalities together made that sale.

I have a job one day a week with Mark’s hope that he’ll be able to use me much more.  Me, too.   Thanks, Joe.  I could always count on you. 

Terence McKenna (via elige)

I’m stealing this from another blogger because Terrance McKenna wisdom actually does make me happy.  So, now, as I explore happiness, I need to consider a new idea.  A new idea?  I’m not very technical.  I can only rearrange words in slightly new or at least forgotten ways.  I can arrange melodies in mch the same, humble way.  I used to have new ideas on saving a dime, but now that EVERYBODY’S broke, people are catching up to my inventiveness.  So, now what?  Think, Amy.  THINK!

(via howtoberighteous)

I’ve been missing the last week because I’ve really been trying to dedicate to affirmations, meditations, ruminations hoping to have something to report.  Everything is the same. 

I keep trying.  This morning I read on how to be better at the law of attraction.  The first thing, you’ve heard it before, stated “you’re already doing it.”  Ugh.  I thought Catholics and Jews had all of the guilt.  I can’t possibly be responsible for all of this mayhem in my life.  I can’t even blame it on drugs or a learning disability. 

I’ve just finished Gretchen Rubin’s chapter on mindfulness.  Yesterday, I gave up early, but today I stayed with her and kept my mind on her words.   As I mentioned previously, the ending chapters are much shorter than how she started the book so I can, at least, sense a small accomplishment more quickly.  I’m still quite impressed with her vulnerability in exposing her quirks so freely.  I’m still annoyed that she often lets blog responders do too much of her writing. 

However, one of them taught me something very clever that I intend to do today!  I can’t possibly give credit where it is due, because Rubin didn’t provide the readers’ name, but the responder came up with the idea, having to retype them again and again, to change all of his or her passwords to fit a goal “[l]ike a mantra.”   Awesome!  I’m on it.